Tough Times At The Holidays

People often feel puzzled as to why “the happiest time of year” leaves one feeling sad, depressed, overwhelmed, angry, and lonely, especially if you are someone who has a “good life.” It doesn’t seem to make sense.

I want to pose the idea that for some people trauma gets kicked up over the holiday season. Holidays are full of memories, smells, sights, tastes, and sounds. If you had a childhood that was problematic, especially around the holidays, it is quite possible you are feeling either consciously or unconsciously activated by the holidays.


In the writings of trauma specialist Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D., he reflects on how the body holds sensory memory even though our thinking memories of the past may be suppressed. For some, the smell of a pie baking in the oven evokes a warm feeling of yumminess. For others, the smell can be repulsive. Why is this? The body holds memory in all forms and even though we may not know the conscious memory of why we feel a particular way, it is stored inside of us. If there was an incident where an angry parent smashed a pie against the wall and flew into a rage, this may haven gotten wired into the brain and body. Pie might not invite warm feelings any longer. Especially if something like this happened repeatedly.

Grief and loss is another feeling stored in the body and is often triggered around holiday time, no matter how long ago the loss was.

We are products of our past. Be kind to yourself this holiday time and reach out to those who love you if you are having a tough time. Share your stories with someone you trust and take really good care of yourself. Remember, this is a season, and seasons always change.

8 Tips For Dealing With Anxious Spiraling Thoughts

Spirals can be beautiful to see and touch.  Staircases, shells, labyrinths, art work.  But anxious mind spirals are not beautiful.  They suck our energy, scare us, and can last for a long, long, long time.

Anxious mind spirals are when our thoughts start to ramp up and bring us down.  Our thoughts keep leading from one negative thought to the next, and one might feel trapped in the anxiety and negativity.  It’s kind of like punching yourself in the face over and over again, and it feels like you can’t stop.  Brutal!

If you are catching yourself getting caught in a spiral, here a few things you can do.

1. Name it. This is an anxiety spiral.  Awareness is the first step to making changes.

2. Breathe into it.  Take some deep breaths and remind yourself this will pass.

3. Remind yourself.  You are not a mind reader or fortune teller, and all this forecasting isn’t helping you.

4. Be present.  Bring yourself into the room and out of your head. Name everything you see in great detail.

5. Empower yourself.  Am I going to sit with this all day or am I going to use my time in the way I want to? 

6. Stop feeding the spiral with your thoughts.  When you have a thought label it as a thought and not a truth.

7. If you can’t stop, change scenes and move.  Whether it be dropping to the ground to count how many push ups you can do or going outside and walking briskly around your neighborhood, you can reset your system by moving your body and moving locations.

We all have a lot to learn from one another.  Any tips you have for getting out of an anxiety spiral?